i HATE romantic comedies. i just cant get enough of em.

i am sick. last night my mother arrived from northfield, massachusettes with my little brother, who is on break from boarding school. we went to noodle street and ate, then came back to the hotel commonwealth and slept until 2:00. i woke up with a killer cough and a sore throat. ew.

it sucks because tonight theres this huge party that i need to go to. im going anyway, fuck the cough. fuck you, runny nose, fuck you.

my roommate is moving out. she wrote me this really adorable note, which i really appreciated. in her place, im getting a fucking MODEL. hahaha WHAT are the odds.

welp, i think im gonna go back to watching "along came polly". come rescue me. anyone. please.

today was a magical day. it started with a fire alarm at 6:00 in the morning. but that was okay because when i woke up at 10:30 that morning, i thought i had dreamt it all...which was weird.. anyway, it only got better from there. i had alexander technique with betsyyy the love of my life. i mean, i only just met her and i feel as though we are meant to be. just the way she looks at me when she adjusts my head, that fiery eye contact... it all just fits. i know that ive been searching and searching for my soulmate, and i think ive just found her. shes perfect. PERFECT. she just glows whenever she glides accross that hard, wooden floor...and when she's whispering, "allow your neck to be free...widen and lengthen your back..." oh! it's orgasmic!

after alexander, class was cancelled...which doenst even matter because after alexander, i have no more classes. but it was sweet nonetheless.

it was sweet because all my friends's classes were cancelled, which meant more and more time to hang out with them. so then julie, jrich, and i took the T to johnson's, the most gracious host in all of boston. then we just hung out and watched project runway, a very high quality show. (fuck that HAG wendy, she deserved to be shot in the face and farted on.)

so after a loonng time of love and happiness at johnsons, we came back to warren, and are now watching howard stern on tv. i wish the women on his show had just a pinch of self-respect. unfortunatly, you cant get dignity OR pride at any plastic surgeon in LA...preposterous.

hey hey hey faithful readers:

it has been a loooong while since my last post. the reason for that is because i didnt feel like posting until now. i am back at BU, sitting in jen's room procrastinating like usual. the roommate situation is okay....i just wish it wasnt so akward whenever im in there. i think she's still really pissed about living with me in general... i am very messy, i used her computer for a while, and i always have friends over. i hope the situation will get better though, because i dont really mind her, at all.

but im gonna get my act together. i swear i will.

BU, in general, is good. classes are a blast, as usual. my friends are fun to hang out with...i just cant wait to go to some good parties. in the lady situation.....well....let's just say im okay with takin it day by day, and being single isnt really all that bad. what keeps me entertained is my class crush, you knowww.....that one person in your class that you kind of formulate a crush on both out of boredom and spending so much time with them. everybody gets 'em, just sometimes you dont admit it until waaaay later. then you're like, holy shit! i have a crush on john doe! and then it develops into more, you start flirting more often and more consciously, look them up and down during class, fantasize about what it would be like to be with them....then you realize you never would but it was fun while it lasted.

well, i have one, and shes really cute. i just dont think i could ever, you know, do it. with her.

anyway, life is fun, for now. could be better, could be worse. i need to learn to better manage my finances. mom's getting on my case. ew. she wants to know what i spent pretty much all of the money they gave me last semester on. um. food.

but yeah, shes coming up this weekend which is gonna SUCK. i just dont feel like dealing with her shit right now. shes gonna monopolize my weekend fun potential. speaking of weekend fun, this weekend was a long one. we had no class today. which means, no locals which MEANS, more rehearsal time for my monologue. im still pretty fucking nervous about it. i had weird dreams where i kept fucking up and forgetting shit.n i hope all goes smoothly next monday.

in other news, i have a paper due tomorrow that is just so annoying. its one of those papers that arent really that hard if you could just get started. but you keep thinking about all the laziness factors involved so you never do. fuck it, im gonna get started. now. okay now. now. now. now.nownownownownownownownownownownownwonwonwnow

last night was insane in the membrane, folks. my 27-year-old cousin took me out with some of his friends for a night on the town. we went to this club which is supposedly all in fashion now called "El Hotel". so we get there right and we have to buy TWO bottles of alcohol instead of the traditional one to get a table. oh well. there was lots of dancing, lots of chamagne everywhere, and lots of hi-i'm-a-sleeze-ball-who's-going-to-hit-on-you-right-now's. all in all, a good way to bring in the new year.

or was it?

yes, i got wasted. but did i get a new years kiss?? nope. did i have new years sex? definitly not. there was flirting...just not on my end of the spectrum. i swear there has to be ONE OTHER ATTRACTIVE GODDAMN LESBIAN in mexico city. she will be mine, oh yes, she will be mine.

this afternoon i woke up after a refreshing twelve hour sleep, at six o'clock pm. i hate wasting the day like that. i hardly got to see the sun, and now its all dark and depressing. blaahhhh...im going to go have a cigarette.

okay, so i think im going to take the PLUNGE. im going to cut my hair in some sexy, ridiculous way.... with a side-part and bangs. yes, thats right. B A N G S bitch. it's time to change the do. do the dew. oh yesss.

my sister and brother-in-law left today and now the house is all depressing again. my only ray of hope is my little brother, who's amazing. we play ping-pong together and chat about this and that. he's funny. i think im going to read harry potter.

ANYway, right now i am watching a mcdonald's commercial said in "beat poetry" style.

my older brother has decided to monopolize the television with old movies about mexican presidents. it makes me want to PUKE. so, i cant post pictures right now i dont know why, but when i can, im going to post like millions of 'em. you just waaaiiittt.

P.S., i am in love with julie wieman.

so wow it's been awhile since i posted...

i'm in mexico, completely disconnected from the rest of the world. oh, to those of you calling me, i can't get my messages or call you because my cellphone doesnt work internationally. sowy. but i miss you guys a lot.

my doggy died yesterday. we burried her in the back yard in a special spot. the vet said it would just feel like she was falling asleep, and it wouldn't be painful. she had cancer so really, it was just a matter of time. i miss her. i hope she's in a better place right now, like doggy heaven where the kibbles flow like the wine.

 hahah isn't this little dude hilarious? i thought so.

so merry chirstmas and happy channuka or kwanza or whatever

i miss having a girlfriend. i really do. it's just so nice...that anxious/excited/scared/love feeling you get everytime you're about to see them. the butterflies really DO exist. and kissing them is amazing. its like you're breathing them in and falling into them and every but if skin or hair or clothing you touch and grab and pull closer becomes a part of this amazing entity of sexual release, love. and the goose bumps you get when you feel their warm hand on your back or your face. or just lying in bed, my eyes darting everywhere because it hurts to have them rest on her. it jabs, pierces me right bellow the bellybutton, or deep in the swells of my chest. and then i'm trapped, see, because i cant stop looking and she's glowing. it's like the entire room is in black and white and she's in color...like when we're walking down the street everyone else seems to just dissapear.

granted, it's nice to be alone. you get to listen to your ipod and think or draw or write or whatever you do alone. fart. sing. dance obnoxiously. and then, very quickly, the room falls silent, your head stops buzzing and you just sit down on the bed, staring around. sometimes i look out my window, and if the sun's in just the right position, it's astoundingly beautiful. the concrete from B tower seems to allow the gold to bounce off and hit my window, and the sky is blue and i can hear the city roaring below. its great. and then i look away, and i'm alone again. so i call a friend.

-hey, ________, what's up?

-nothing. what are you doing?

-nothing. you want a cigarette?

and so i trek my ass down to the alcove to freeze while infesting my fragile little lungs with cancer sticks. and THEN WHAT? then we might hang out for a while, until i get antsy or bored OR both, and then i leave and go back to my room, now dark, and sleep.

i sleep

i sleep, sleep, sleep until i cannot sleep any longer. then i wake up to the depressing sounds of my roommate and her fowl boyfriend whispering about god knows what (me sometimes) and the clicking of the keyboard and the annoying sting of the lamp. i notice her side of the room is clean and mine is still a vomitous mass of shit. so then its late, ive missed dinner, i call my friends.

-hey, what's up guys?

-nothing what are you up to?

-nothing. let's go smoke some weed.

so i grab my little plastic bag of marijuana that costs me 40 dollars everytime and i light up a joint and get retarded.

and the cool thing about that is, i can forget about my tiny 2 x 4 room and my roommate and the fact that i havent had sex in a while, and the fact that i'm not over alexis, and the fact that nobody ever calls, and the fact that i really should be alone, or that i'm fat and i havent washed my hair in two days and i still need to do laundry and i have a project in a class i'm failing due tomorrow....

but what really sucks, is that i don't really ever forget. and then i come down. and then, stupid me, i smoke more and more and more until i'm absolutely retarted. then i go to bed, wake up at 5:00 the next evening, and the dreary cycle continues.

sidenote:

the only two people that make it all okay are nick and jen. i love spending time with them because they're real and make me feel like everything's gonna work out in the end. i dont need to forget around them. because they make memories worth remembering.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S EVEN WORSE?

this environment is what is going to make me the happiest. i hate home because i cant be open about being gay with anyone (except my weird family, who doesnt really like to talk about it slash i feel awkward talking about it with), and theres no possibility of meeting any girl because they're all straight (or at least pretending to be) and i cut ties  with all the bitches and ho's i used to hang out with so i have no friends, no pot, no cigarettes and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do. i sit and i watch TV. for a month. what the fuck.

going to noodle st. stuffing my face. doing work. smokin a bowl.

so i thought i'd take a running start and do my xanga thingy early in the morning. i just went and saw THE INCREDIBLES, and let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, it was incredible indeed. isn't it weird how most animation movies, although directed at the youth, have become more and more about adult situations? the humor only caters to adults, and the characters are suddenly much more complex. for chrissake, we have PORN in DISNEY flicks.

themes of the night:

-is it worth treckin my ass down to west for fifteen minutes with the girl i CANNOT UNDERSTAND?

-is anthony straight? furthermore, is he in love with lauren?

-are my roommate and her boyfriend having smelly monkey sex?

-was the mom from the incredibles hot? the daughter?

-HOW can we possibly smoke this tight ass-packed bowl in the middle of a monsoon on the charles?

-why does my family make me wanna barf?

-barf.

-boobs.

-farting in movie theaters.

-fantasizing about fucking.

-"heating up the oven."

-the ol' ball 'n' chain.

-your mother's stretchy vag.

im depressed.

the sun looks so amazing when it sets through B-tower. every stage of its setting the colors change from grey to gold, the patterns on the shades grow larger, disapear, and fold the curtains. It is a new and different world as we spin our final hours in orbit. our surroundings take on a new life, a black one, shouting only heard from the street lights and zooming cars. we walk with our eyes at the tips of our toes, and the secrets around us grow more and more ominouse. the smells change, the sky dissapears and is replaced by pin prick white. if it rains, the world dissasembles at your feet, shinning off windows and washing the history off of it. 

HAHA

let's take a journey through my BU experience...

there should be a fucking movie shot here.

the oregon trail.

the train tracks of doom....

and lastely, breaking from our long and arduouse spirit quests, we rest at the place that bore all of us: the alcove.