hey mothafuckas its ma burfday. y’all have to be nice to me ALLLLL DAYYYYYY

well im back again for another, probably brief, xanga entry.

so….

um

….yyyeah.

i wonder how many people actually read this blog. not many, i dont think. i dont think i would want many people to read it. i went back and read all of my past entries and the only thing i could think was if i didnt know me i would think i was a TOOL. hahahaaaa

typing with a cigarette is haarrddd.

…like your cock.

wow look at me updating daily….

okay so this is the new creedo:

NO MARIJUANA DURING THE WEEK.

i gotta get my shit done, yo.

p.s. chloe? CHLOE?? it’s sad. mostly because i wont be able to stare at heidi klum’s face every wednesday.

i have been sitting in my apartment for a week. i’m bored, but i never ever EVER want to leave.

today oh my god TODAY i went to three different stores and couldn’t find a blacklight. how am i to party?

so i slept for 19 hours last night. it was beautiful.

it’s spring break.

right now, i’m sitting on a warm, sandy beach, a pina colada in one hand and a hot babe in the other. im tan, blonde, and wearing a red bikini. last night, we went out to a club and drank shots of vodka and roofies the size of buckets to get reeealllll drunk and dance dance dance the night away. i woke up this morning in a pile of my own vomit, naked, next to seven 40-year-old men in speedos. welp, its been a good day for me, cause i earned an exclusive spot on the new “girls gone wild: lift up her shirt and wrap her around some chick ’cause she’s too drunk to be a human being.” at least i didnt wake up in a tub full of ice like jen. welp, it’s back to the bar for some coronas and std’s!

actually

i have been sitting in my apartment for like four days. oh no wait, yesterday i went to the charles… only it FEELS like today because i havent slept in 26 hours. but guess what?! i’m not tired. i’ve tried. lord KNOWS i have tried to fall asleep. but alas, mr. sandman shant be visiting 79 brighton any time soon.

life is generally okay for now. i’m watching date my mom on mtv. mtv has lost all credibility. its garbage. trash. like britney spears. dooowwnnn the draaaiiinnn…. i also watched saved by the bell, a back-to-back “to be continued…” episode. its like watching a bunch of twelve year old robots. “I. LOVE. YOU. KELLY. SCREECH. IS. FUNNY. SLATER. HAS. A. CURLY. MULLET. SPICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK. WAS. THE. 80′S.”

i love the part in date my mom where the mother, daughter, and lucky man run down the beach at sunset together, and the mom can’t keep up because the path in the sand is made for two people, so she looks like she’s being dragged around by her daughter, and then she awkwardly stops and waves them straight to paradise. ain’t it nice? flavor of love.

i feel like unless you try to be witty and sarcastic and funny on blogs they just become some whiney teenagers account of something that’s not that important to begin with. blah blah blah classes are rough blah blah i’m still in love with so and so blah blah my dog has cancer of the face.

OR

blah blah witty witty i’m so funny you want to read more because i am new and different and worthy of the world’s attention. here’s a joke. there’s a joke. everywhere a joke, joke.

i’m so bored i dont even know what bored feels like anymore. i’d like to thank jen for the cigarettes and god for getting me where i am today. if i wrote i song right now it would be called “life without a sensei (jen callkike)”

okay, okay. i’ll admit it. i like lindsay lohan.

OKAY

so this is whats going on in my life:

1. julie and i missed a rehearsal without calling the stage manager, and we had to have a meeting with paula bitch face head of the acting program, jim owl/bear/pirate head of the theatre program, and julie, my only confidant in the world of actors. they considered pulling me out of casting for fourth quarter but they didnt, so good.

3. my bitter bitch stage manager decide to write a letter to the owl/bear/pirate about how unprofessional my cast has acted during the alan wade project. i am, of course, included in this letter, if not the leading cause for it WHICH yes, i admit, i would whisper to my fellow cast members as the lead male character stomped around the stage for HOURS AT A TIME, but i dont really think my behavior was in any way out of the ordinary for bored college students rearing to get up on stage and make a name for themselves. okay. so, i dont think the letter actually got sent, so good. THATs over and done with.

or is it..?

2. last night/this morning i stayed up all night, my veins pumping with adderol, in order to write eve muson’s midterm paper. i got it done by 9:30, ample time to dick around before class. my inner monologue: should i take a shower? naahhh. I’ll just sit here on the couch, smoke a cigarette, and relax before class. Okay. cigarette’s done. I’ll just lie here for a minute staring up at the ceiling. Okay maybe i’ll close my eyes. I wont fall asleep! I’ll just close my eyes a little….. and then i fell asleep. you know that moment as youre falling asleep where you can feel yourself begin to doze off, your body’s relaxed and you feel like you’d rather kill puppies than remove yourself from the blanket? yeah. that never happened. one minute i was “just closing my eyes” and the next minute it’s 11:17 (my class started at 11) and julies calling me frantically. see, she asked me if i could print out her paper for her as she had class at 8 and i at 11 and of course, i agreed. onlyyyy nooww BOTH julie and my papers are not turned in. keep in mind: we have been paired together all two years we’ve been here, at times being referred to as “the gruesome twosome.” we have been discussed, i am told, at almost every faculty meeting this semester. and not in a good way, either. SO i run my ass down to CFA, print out the papers, and wait, sweating balls, outside the classroom until class lets out. I walk inside and hand both papers to the TA, frantically attempting to explain my situation to her. She, in turn, hands the paper’s to eve, who probably doesnt even know who i am because she spoke of julie and i as if i couldnt hear her. (when she talks, she barks, by the way.) “WHAT? WHEN DID SHE TURN THEM IN? SOOO LIKE FIFTEEN SECONDS AGO. WELL, MY FIRST INSTICT IS NOT TO TAKE THEM, BUT I’LL HAVE TO CONSULT MY COLLEGES, THESE TWO GIRLS ARE IN A DEEP PILE OF SHIT ALL AROUND THE WORLD.” needless to say, my chest collapsed. i’m in a “deep pile of shit all around the world?” what?

so, here i am, now one of the most hated sophomores in the cfa, fighting against a herd of angry teachers. i have made mistakes. but on the other hand, i was DAMN GOOD in the last show i was in, getting a lot of really good feedback from all the teachers that mean something to me. so WHAAATTT NOOWWWW LANGTON? what? you gonna go drink some gin? burbon? (paula langton is an alcoholic) so what im going to have to do is rely ONLY on my talent to make it through this hellhole of a shcool. i’m sorry, i just dont respond well to authority and limitations. i do what the fuck i want to do.

oh and i almost forgot! TODAY julie had ANOTHER meeting with paula langton, jim petosa and paolo difabio (dean of cfa). paula emailed me “wanting to meet with me as soon as possible.” i have a meeting with her tomorrow morning at 9: fucking 30. we’ll see how that goes.

im scared. but im also unwilling to succumb to anything at this point. i’m getting a whole lot out of my classes and isnt that all that matters? that i grow and evolve as a person and as an actor? hmmm… maybe not.