when there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire...! (excellent use of punctuation, if i do say so meeself.)

also,
im jealous of everyone who can write cool xanga entries and get a lot of e props and comments. i want comments. and e props.
and
i hate my job
and
i miss joo-no-hoo*

i want to smoke pot but i have to wait until my mother is asleep.

i really miss boston friends. among the most missed are:
nickjenjuliejrichaliejamiehanna

can YOU find YOUR name in there????

no.

because i didnt mention it.

take that, sucka.

FUCK YOU VINEYARD PLAYHOUSE. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOUR MOTHER, TOO. SHE'S A WHORE. EVERYBODY KNOWS IT. SHE'S LIKE A BICYCLE THAT EVERYONE HAS HAD A RIDE ON. IN A VILLAGE.

*ariel. (mawwy me por-fAv-or)

i am at the NORTHFIELD MOUNT HERMON school for boys and girls, helping tommy tom tom pack his shit up. last night i took three of my favorite seniors out to smoke cigarettes at this huge field where, in my more desperate times at boarding school, i used to smoke pot. we went out there with the rental van i convinced my mom to borrow, and got it stuck in the fucking mud. we had to push it out and we got disgusting. i almost shat myself.

in other news, today i travel for four hours to get to Martha's Vineyard, where i start work tomorrow. blaaahhhhh but i get to drive my own car, live alone, and work work work until the cows come home

reading "the corrections". an excellent novel.

AND

"my boobs feel like cant-EE-lopes!"

wow. two blogs within minutes of each other.

SO much going on right now. finding out new things about myself watching home movies of when i was like five and three. emotionalllll times.

i know how to play:

-both hands AND

-32 flavors

by ani difranco on the guitar. so fucking fun to learn this shit. im getting a new guitar for an early christmas present!!!! its an acoustic/electric and its going to be hella tight. ha

i really love you

(you know who you are)

soooooo yeah.

it's one o' clock here now, and im leaving to go work out at the american school in half an hour. listening to some pretty cool music my little bro left behind (egyptian brain surgery) and missing a certain someone. oh god i am completely dependant now there's just no turning back. welp, off we goooo

mexico city is a nice town. ariel will be here soon, i dont know what i would do if she werent coming. probably watch a hell of a lot of television.

i am exercising daily, dieting, and already losing weight. yay for me. my goal for the summer is 20lbs, hopefully i can make it to at least 15. i think im about to get my period. ew. hey, at least im not pregnant. haha

phil bragar (sp?) came over for lunch today. hes an amazing man to listen to. very inspiring.

i must admit i am worried about cfa and sophomore year in the acting program. i hope i can pull my shit together and fully realize my potential. wow. that last sentence sounded like something one of my annoying teachers would say in my grade reports (without the shit part, of course). and now i'm saying it. ohhhh maturity.

i am starting to learn how to play the guitar. i think i could potentially be good at it if i keep pluggin away.

so thats all for now folks

i am writing my paper for dramtic literature right now. it's hell.
everything my paper should contain is all muddled around in my brain
and the words just aint comin man. shit. ill keep working.

mother fucker

the year is coming to an end at long last. i have to:

-do laundry

-pack all my shit up

-give my shit to the smart movers people to store

-write three fucking papers and

-read two plays.
THEN

-mexico

-ariel

-mexico

-martha's vineyard
so that's the plan. yes indeed. i am a happy camper tonight.

oh, and happy mother's day, america. mexico's mother's day comes the
tenth so thank god i still have two days to find a fuckin card.

holy shit holy shit holy shit

i have my CFA conference with all my teachers in an hour. the moment i have been avoiding since day one. will ANNETTE STEPHENS make it to the acting program or not? jesussss chriiiiissttttt

basically, its just your five teachers, and you. and they just hammer the fuck away at you. and you have to take it. (you can cry, of course, since this is an acting school and, in actuallity, crying might even win you a couple o' brownie points.) the point is, CFA classes arent just about what you do inside class, its about your entire life. past, present, and future. they examine you as a human being, not as a student. and then they judge you on yourself, your habits, your performance in class, your smoking (cigarettes) your body, face, attitude, personality, family issues, mistakes, triumphs, sexuality, and the whole casserole of catastrophe that makes each person, complex as can be, an individual.

and, to cap off this blog entry, here is a quote from a very good song by a very good artist:

"i'm not a girl, not yet a woman. all i need is time, a moment that is mine." 

THE NIGHT BAND STRIKES AGAIN.

.....i've got no evil stepmother to blame it all on.